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  • Writer's pictureKrista Bontrager

When Someone You Love is Gay

Guest: Joe Dallas; Talking to family and friends about LGBT issues

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Segment #1: Interview with Joe Dallas

Author and pastoral counselor, Joe Dallas, brought his personal experience and professional expertise to help us understand how to navigate LGBT issues.

The primary focus of Joe's work includes:

  • Christians who privately wrestle with same sex attractions

  • Parents who are Christians who have openly gay or lesbian sons and daughters

  • People who are wanting to more effectively dialogue with people who are impacted by this issue

The conversation with Joe was rich and very thoughtful. These are some of the questions/issues we discussed:

What is pro-gay theology?

It's a pro-gay interpretation of Scripture. Gay-affirming churches use the same Bible we do, but they interpret it differently.

The Bible believing modern church is being challenged to consider the claims of pro-gay theology...and it represents one of the most growing and prominent errors that is beginning to attach itself to Christianity today.

What does the Scripture say about homosexuality?

First of all, Joe explained that individuals don't choose their orientation, they realize it. When a person realizes it, they will have to make a decision about resisting or expressing it. That decision will largely be based on one's worldview. The Biblical worldview teaches us that we have a Creator...humanity was created by design and with intentions...homosexuality (along with other sins) falls short of God's created intent.

What about the phrase we hear that "love is love"?

Loving someone in and of itself does not legitimize our having a sexual or romantic relationship with an individual.

But, Jesus wouldn't want me to suppress my sexual desires, would he? Didn't God create me this way?

We were all created by God, but we are not all God created us to be. We're born with a sin nature...we have universal sinful tendencies (i.e. temptations to lie, anger, selfishness) and we also have unique temptations/conflicts (i.e. homosexuality). The fact that I feel something very deeply, does not mean that God intended for me to have that feeling...after the Fall, humans now experience things that God never wanted humans to experience.

Part of being a Christian is self-denial. Repression is not a dirty word. On a daily basis we repress a number of desires we have because we realize we may want something, but if it conflicts with my worldview and my deepest principles, I know I will not be at peace if I pursue it.

Joe helped us understand two positions we're seeing play out within the evangelical church in terms of traditional marriage/homosexual relationships:

1. Revisionist theology (i.e. pro-gay theology): The problem is that it imposes contingencies that don't exist in the text (i.e. interpreting the Scriptures to fit into a pro-gay perspective).

2. Shifting the priority of LGBT issues from being essential doctrine vs being secondary/non-essential doctrine, when it comes to unity (i.e. in other words, choosing to "agree to disagree" like you would regarding viewpoints on the rapture of the church, which is something not necessary to break fellowship over)

The overarching problem we are seeing is Biblical ignorance, which Joe calls one of the greatest scandals of the modern church. Biblical ignorance leads to a lack of Biblical discernment, then we will fall for anything and be swayed by human emotion.

Furthermore, the starting point of our WORLDVIEW is other words, does a person identify themselves as gay or lesbian FIRST or does a person shape their thoughts, feelings, and opinions based on Scripture FIRST?

What about sexual orientation?

Definition: basically, the direction of your sexual desires

The focus should not be whether the desire is inborn or acquired, rather, in light of the Word of God, is the thing I am pursuing in and of itself right or wrong?

And the 64,000 question: Is it (sexual orientation) a fixed condition or a fluid condition?

The bottom line: the struggle between flesh and spirit is Biblically guaranteed. Our focus should be on living an obedient, sanctified life, rather than focusing on the experience of ongoing temptations.

What about the kids?

  • Current society is introducing confusion (feelings vs identity)

  • Adults/parents are usurping Divine Authority by asserting "I have the right to speak into existence what is not and make it what is"

What about inclusion?

The Gospel provides a widely inclusive invitation to all! But discipleship is very specific.

What about our loved ones who identify as gay or lesbian?

It is so important to sustain the bond, while prayerfully considering how we can speak to the situation

  • Not our job to "change their mind"

  • Work on sustaining the bond

  • May need to establish clarification and boundaries (make clear the difference between approval and agreement)

  • Let the Holy Spirit lead the conversations; speak Truth as the opportunity comes


Check out Joe's forthcoming book and pre-order a copy! Christians in a Cancel Culture: Speaking with Truth and Grace in a Hostile World

Check out Joe's website where you will find his books, webinars, and a wealth of helpful information.

Connect with the guest

Follow Joe on social media:


Segment #2: Announcements

Our Spring book groups are launching soon! Join us as we read Fault Lines by Voddie Baucham and The Color of Compromise by Jemar Tisby.

Be sure to check out our show sponsors!

Segment #2 Resources

Our new book groups are launching soon! The live Zoom discussion options are sold out, but the virtual recordings are still available. Sign up for the recorded experience

Check out another show sponsor, Impact 360.


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