We introduced the family to the work and mission of Katy Faust (author, Them Before Us). She has a bold, powerful, and unpopular message: adults should do hard things on behalf of children. Starting in the womb. This was a provocative conversation!
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Interview with Katy
Tonight was the big reveal of our new studio set! Big thanks to our friends, Lenny and Helena, for their help in constructing the new set!
Katy Faust is a pastor's wife and mother of 4 teenagers and lives in the Pacific Northwest. Katy was happily living her life, raising her kids and working in youth ministry when she was struck by the assault on marriage she saw around her. In 2018, she started the non-profit, Them Before Us, whose mission is to put children before adults in all conversations about marriage and family.
The big idea behind Katy's book (also titled Them Before Us) is that when it comes to marriage and family, adults should not ask children to sacrifice for them. Adults need to do hard things for kids, rather than insisting that kids do hard things for adults.
How are children's rights defined? In other words, what exactly ARE children's rights?
Children's rights, based on Natural Law (a school of philosophy which is based on the natural world around us), are based on three rules:
Existed before the government
Nobody has to provide it for you
Everyone has the same distribution of the right (right to free speech, ability to worship, ability to defend self, life (we all have 1), parents (we all have 2--a mother and father)
Examples of children's rights:
Children have the right to life!
Children have a natural right to their mother and father!
Erroneous views of children's rights from the culture/liberal perspective:
Mainly focus on children's sexual rights:
Right to sexual pleasure
Right to access transgender treatments (cross-sex hormones)
Right to have a sexual identity hidden from their parents at school
When do the rights of a child begin?
Children's rights are human rights! Children's rights begin the moment they become a human, which is at the moment of conception!
How does reproductive technology play into this?
When making babies in a laboratory, you need 3 things: 1) sperm, 2) egg, 3) womb--all the commodities that must be acquired, purchased, and assembled.
There are many ways to mix-and-match when it comes to reproductive technologies; however, any time a child is intentionally losing their biological mother, biological father, or birth mother, it means the child is suffering loss so that the adult(s) can get what they want.
Adoption must also be properly understood first in terms of loss. However, with adoption, the loss can be redemptive. The adult is seeking to mend the loss, rather than intentionally choosing the loss (as with reproductive technology).
In-vitro fertilization (IVF):
First major issue--there is a lot of baby-killing happening! Only 7% will survive the process; 93% do not make it. Also includes discarding unwanted embryos, selective reduction (ie abortion), etc.
Harvesting sperm is very easy; harvesting eggs is very difficult. Women must inject themselves with hormones in order to increase egg production--very risky! Let's be clear--this is NOT donating eggs or sperm, this is buying and selling!
From a children's rights/ethical perspective:
The egg and sperm should come from the mother and father who will be raising the child.
You must implant all the embryos that are made!
No freezing of embryos (often discarded or left abandoned--1 million embryos are currently frozen in the US and 20-40% have been abandoned)
No selective reduction or sex selection
Unfortunately, IVF has high failure rates and families have to come back multiple times and it is very expensive!
What about Christians who are considering IVF or surrogacy?
Read Katy's book, Them Before Us
Look at the issue from the child's perspective
What about divorce?
Our culture used to have the idea that marriage was permanent (with exceptions for abuse, adultery, abandonment, addiction). However, today's "no-fault" divorce makes the dissolution of a marriage easy, with no benefit to the faithful spouse; usually there is a 50-50 split, which does not prompt the couple to seek change/health/higher standards to save the marriage. Ultimately, we have a culture of disposal marriage and it has absolutely wrecked children
How do we support family/friends whose families came about with interventions like this?
For the kids--draw near, pull them in to your world, practice "careful validation" (not demonizing the parents, but acknowledging the loss, pain)
Show them what they were made to have (be the "straight stick")
Are there IVF treatments that don't end in abortion/terminate embryos?
Beware of IVF clinics! If you or someone you know is having difficulty conceiving, something may need to be healed first
Check out NaPro Technology, which stands for Natural Procreative Technology (see link below)
If you do use IVF, be very clear about your boundaries beforehand!
A word for pastors: Don't compromise one iota on sex and marriage! Speak up and speak out! Everything outside of God's design for sex and marriage insists that children sacrifice on behalf of adults...cohabitation, no-fault divorce, third-party reproduction, etc. Shrinking back and not defending God's design for sex and marriage creates child victims.
Bottom Line: Adults have to do the hard thing on behalf of the children. If children are required to sacrifice on behalf of adults, it is an injustice! This is NOT what a just society does! A just society requires the strong to sacrifice for the weak, NOT asking the weak to sacrifice for the strong.
Katy's website: https://thembeforeus.com/
Check out the book: Them Before Us by Katy Faust
Katy's work can also be found at CanaVox: https://canavox.com/
CanaVox is a marriage movement, rooted in natural law, social science and plain good sense, that provides reading groups for support and instruction on the historic meaning and magnificence of marriage.
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(Also check out Them Before Us on FB and Instagram)
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