Gentle Parenting: Biblical Wisdom or Cultural Trap?
- Krista Bontrager
- Jun 20
- 4 min read
Join Monique for an in-depth and thought-provoking interview with Erin Kunkle from MAVEN to explore a Christian perspective on gentle parenting. In this long-form conversation, they dive into the popular yet controversial parenting philosophy, examining its core pillars—empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries—and how they align (or don’t) with biblical principles.
Erin, a mother of five and co-host of the MAVEN Parent Podcast, shares her insights on the rise of gentle parenting, its appeal to millennial parents, and the potential dangers of its therapeutic approach when disconnected from a Christian worldview. From discussing the cultural pressures of social media to unpacking key scriptures on parenting, this episode challenges listeners to consider how God’s design for family, authority, and discipline contrasts with modern parenting trends.
Tonight, we welcomed back to the show, our friend and colleague, Erin Kunkle. Erin and her husband, Brett, are the founders of MAVEN Ministries. MAVEN “exists to help the next generation know truth, pursue goodness and create beauty, all for the cause of Christ, and to equip those who teach and train them—parents, grandparents, youth workers, pastors and educators—to do the same” (maventruth.com).
Highlights from the conversation are below:
Q. Tell us who you are and what is MAVEN Ministries?
Erin introduces herself as a mother of five and grandmother of three, with children ranging from 13 to 30 years old. She and her husband, Brett, founded Maven Ministries to support the next generation and those who disciple them, such as parents, youth pastors, and teachers. Their mission is to help young people know truth, pursue goodness, and create beauty for Christ. Erin has been speaking on gentle parenting to various groups, noting its controversial nature and her research into its philosophy.
Q. What is gentle parenting and why is it so popular?
Erin defines gentle parenting using Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s framework, which emphasizes four pillars: empathy (considering the child’s feelings), respect (treating children like adults), understanding (knowing age-appropriate behaviors), and boundaries (not permissive parenting). The Cleveland Clinic and Parents.com echo similar themes, focusing on raising confident, independent children through connection rather than punishment. Erin notes its popularity stems from social media, particularly targeting millennial moms with quick, appealing solutions promising better outcomes for children. However, she highlights that gentle parenting originates from cultural rather than biblical roots, leading to debates about its alignment with Christian values.
Q. What are the differences between gentle parenting advocates like Sarah Ockwell-Smith and Dr. Becky Kennedy?
Erin explains that while advocates like Sarah Ockwell-Smith and Dr. Becky share similar philosophies, their approaches differ in tone and branding. Sarah Ockwell-Smith claims to be a key figure in the gentle parenting movement, explicitly promoting its principles. Dr. Becky, author of Good Inside, avoids the “gentle parenting” label but aligns with its ideas, emphasizing that children are born good and need skills to express that goodness. Erin critiques the philosophy’s rejection of parental authority, equating children and adults as equals, which she sees as a fundamental flaw.
Q. What is childism, as defined by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, and what are its implications?
Erin discusses Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s concept of “childism,” described in a blog as discrimination against children, equating their treatment to societal injustices like racism or sexism. Examples include spanking (likened to hitting adults), timeouts (compared to solitary confinement), and denying children voting rights. Erin critiques this as a strawman argument, misrepresenting discipline as abuse and ignoring the natural differences between adults and children. She argues that childism, rooted in critical theory, paints parents as oppressors, undermining God-given authority.
Q. How does gentle parenting align or conflict with biblical principles?
Erin argues that gentle parenting conflicts with biblical principles by rejecting parental authority and the reality of human sinfulness. Scriptures like Ephesians 6:4, Deuteronomy 6:7, and Proverbs 29 emphasize parents as authoritative teachers who discipline and guide children toward righteousness. Gentle parenting’s focus on empathy and negotiation overlooks the need for repentance, forgiveness, and obedience, which are critical for spiritual growth. Erin stresses that starting with theology, not psychology, is essential for Christian parenting.
Q. What would you set up as the biblical model for parenting?
Erin proposes four biblical pillars for parenting: love and truth (inseparable, as per 1 Corinthians 13), discipleship (teaching God’s law, Deuteronomy 6:7), obedience (Ephesians 6:1-4), and justice (teaching right and wrong, repentance, and forgiveness). She emphasizes raising children to know and love God, guiding them toward righteousness rather than following their feelings. This contrasts with gentle parenting’s focus on validating emotions without addressing sin.
Q. What encouragement would you offer Christian parents navigating cultural pressures around gentle parenting?
Erin encourages parents to prioritize scripture over cultural trends like gentle parenting or neuroscience. She advises spending more time in God’s word than on social media and seeking wisdom from older, experienced Christians in the local church. She warns against the false promises of gentle parenting and recommends resources like Abigail Shrier’s Bad Therapy (for a secular critique) and Dr. James Dobson’s books on discipline for biblically grounded advice.
Resources:
Make sure to check out Brett and Erin's biblically focused conversations on the MAVEN Parent Podcast on YouTube or your favorite podcast player: https://www.youtube.com/@we_are_MAVEN/podcasts
The MAVEN Conference is coming to the Dallas-Ft. Worth area on Sept 6th! To find out all the details and to register, click here: https://www.mavenconferences.com/texas
Book recommendations:
Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up by Abigail Shrier (secular): https://www.amazon.com/BAD-THERAPY-Abigail-Shrier/dp/1800754167/ref=monarch_sidesheet_image
Check out the many books and resources on parenting & discipline by Dr. James Dobson:
Connect with the Guest:
MAVEN provides a variety of resources, including virtual training, live conferences, and immersive experiences. To stay connected with Erin Kunkle and the work of MAVEN Ministries, visit their website: https://maventruth.com/
Sponsor:
Tonight's show is brought to you by the Center for Biblical Unity and Theology Mom podcast.
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