Talking to Your Kids About God's Design
- Krista Bontrager
- Jul 4
- 4 min read
In a culture that’s increasingly vocal (and confusing) about identity, gender, and sexuality, how can Christian parents, grandparents, ministry leaders, and those in close proximity to children guide them with biblical clarity and confidence? In this episode, we’re joined by Elizabeth Urbanowicz, educator, author, and founder of Foundation Worldview, to talk about her upcoming book, Helping Your Kids Know God's Good Design: 40 Questions and Answers on Sexuality and Gender. We explore how to begin age-appropriate conversations with children about God's beautiful design for sex, identity, and relationships.
On tonight’s episode, we brought back our friend and colleague, Elizabeth Urbanowicz. Elizabeth is the Founder & CEO of Foundation Worldview, a Comparative Worldview Curriculum for kids and teens. Elizabeth has a brand new book coming out this fall titled, Helping Your Kids Know God’s Good Design: 40 Questions and Answers on Sexuality and Gender.
See the highlights of our conversation below:
Q. What inspired you to write a book addressing issues of sexuality and gender with kids?
Elizabeth initially resisted writing the book, approached by Harvest House four times, but agreed due to the need for a practical handbook for parents. The book serves as a manual for addressing questions like pornography, sex within marriage, homosexuality, and masturbation, empowering parents with courage and biblical sufficiency.
Q. Why is it important for parents to discuss sexuality and gender with young children (ages 4–12) before the culture does?
Early conversations prevent awkwardness for children, establish parents as trusted "experts" (the "founder's effect"), and prepare kids for cultural influences. Elizabeth emphasizes protection through preparation, noting that children will encounter sin's effects (e.g., same-sex relationships) in everyday settings.
Q. What are common fears or hesitations parents have, and how can they overcome them?
Fears stem from sin's corruption of God's design, causing shame or embarrassment (Genesis 2–3). Parents may feel unequipped or unsure of appropriate words. Elizabeth suggests praying for a biblical perspective, having a game plan, maintaining a calm demeanor, and using a 24-hour "circle back" to research and respond thoughtfully.
Q. How should parents communicate biblical truths about bodies to children?
For younger kids (4–7), use Genesis 1:27 to teach that God created humans male or female in His image, discussing basic anatomy (e.g., penis, vagina) and the body's goodness. For kids with disabilities, affirm God's design while acknowledging sin's effects, citing John 9 and Romans 8:28–29. For older kids (8–12), address puberty changes, reinforcing the body's inherent goodness despite discomfort.
Q. Should parents use anatomically correct terms instead of nicknames (e.g., "winker")?
Yes, to affirm the goodness of God's design and protect against abuse by ensuring children can clearly communicate inappropriate touch. In public, terms like "private parts" can be used for discretion.
Q. How can parents connect God's design for physical bodies to identity, especially for older kids?
Teach the concept of design as a purposeful plan, using everyday objects (e.g., fridge, bike) to illustrate that bodies are designed by God (Genesis 1:27–28, Psalm 139). Emphasize flourishing when following the designer's plan, contrasting with consequences of misuse.
Q. How can parents teach kids to trust God's design over feelings or cultural "follow your heart" messages?
For younger kids (under 8), play games to distinguish true, false, or feeling-based statements. For older kids (10+), use examples like depression or anorexia to show feelings can mislead. Ask, "Do feelings always reveal what is true?" to challenge cultural narratives.
Q. What should parents do if their child expresses gender confusion or mentions a non-binary friend?
Lead with curiosity, asking about thoughts and feelings. For non-binary friends, discuss loving them biblically without affirming false identities. For gender confusion, identify sources (e.g., societal influence or not fitting stereotypes). Remove kids from environments where authority figures promote unbiblical ideologies. Affirm kids who don’t fit stereotypes by praising their God-given design and gifts.
Q. How should parents respond when children ask about someone in public who appears transgender (e.g., a man with makeup)?
Prepare kids early with the truth that sin can trick feelings about gender. Use a three-step approach: recognize (not God's design), remind (God designed us male or female), and be kind (smile, engage respectfully). Early preparation reduces awkward public moments.
Q. What scriptures should parents meditate on for encouragement?
James 1 (God gives wisdom generously) and Ephesians 1 (focus on reconciliation with God as the ultimate goal, not just perfect family outcomes).
Q. How can churches support parents in these conversations?
Shift kids’ and youth ministry focus to support parents as primary disciple-makers. Allocate time to train parents, not just program events. Individuals can support by actions like babysitting to strengthen parental marriages.
Q. If Elizabeth ruled the world, what’s one piece of advice for parents?
Two tips:
(1) Trust the sufficiency of God’s Word by immersing in scripture
(2) prioritize disciplining children over other commitments, as the time is short and irreplaceable.
Resources:
Make sure to pre-order Elizabeth's forthcoming book:
Helping Your Kids Know God's Good Design: 40 Questions and Answers on Sexuality and Gender: https://www.amazon.com/Helping-Your-Kids-Know-Design/dp/0736991395/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title
Be sure to check out our private Facebook support group for parents with children struggling with LGBTQ+ issues or deconstruction: https://www.facebook.com/groups/309488376927606
Come visit us at the Women in Apologetics Conference this September in Grapevine, TX! Find all the info here:
Remember the Orange Curriculum? Check out Krista's recent podcast to find out the update on Orange: https://youtu.be/ruClm7S4uFU?si=KvZENYnWFn3fktId
Connect with the Guest:
Stay connected with Elizabeth's work at her website, Foundation Worldview: https://foundationworldview.com/
IG: @foundation_worldview
Sponsor:
Tonight's show is brought to you by the Center for Biblical Unity and Theology Mom podcast.
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