What Happens When Empathy Goes Wrong?
- Krista Bontrager
- Sep 5
- 4 min read
Join Monique as she explores the biblical perspective on compassion versus the cultural phenomenon of empathy, and how untethered empathy can lead to manipulation and moral compromise. Learn how Christians can stay grounded in scripture, discern truth, and avoid the pitfalls of cultural empathy. Guest: Dr. Joe Rigney, author of the book The Sin of Empathy
On tonight’s episode, we introduced our audience to Dr. Joe Rigney, author of the book, The Sin of Empathy. After a recommendation from Alisa Childers, Monique listened to the book 3 times and wanted to bring this important discussion to our audience!
Highlights from tonight’s discussion are below:
Q. Please tell us about yourself.
Dr. Joe Rigney is a professor at New Saint Andrews College in Moscow, Idaho, and a pastor at Christ Church. He's written several books, coaches high school football, is married with three boys, and is excited to discuss the book.
Q. What is the definition of empathy and how can it be sinful?
Empathy is now a “hot-bed” word; it is a recent term (mid-20th century) with varied definitions, but Joe uses it as it's culturally applied: fully sharing and validating someone's emotions without resistance, which can corrupt compassion. He uses a quicksand analogy: apathy ignores suffering; compassion helps while tethered to stability (e.g., a tree branch); empathy jumps in untethered. Not all empathy is sinful (like righteous vs. sinful anger), but untethered, toxic forms are, as they prioritize feelings over truth.
Q. How do we see criticisms of empathy lead to accusations of being un-Christian or callous?
People defend the word "empathy" intensely, unlike "compassion." Drawing from C.S. Lewis, Joe explains the best things (e.g., motherly love) become the worst when corrupted and unsubmitted to God. Empathy hides destruction in "pure" virtues, infiltrating communities undetected. Reactions to his book show "sinful empathy" isn't on many radars.
Q. How do we respond to Christians who say cultural empathy and biblical compassion are the same?
Avoid word-wrangling (per Bible warnings); if someone means biblical compassion by "empathy," clarify with "biblical empathy" or "tethered empathy." Anchor care to truth, reality, goodness, and Christ, as emotions can cloud judgment and put feelings in the "driver's seat," leading to destruction (e.g., societal decay from affirming all feelings).
Q. What are some scriptural examples of showing compassion without crossing into untethered empathy?
God commands "your eye shall not pity" idolaters, even close family (Deuteronomy). Job's wife, grieving their children's deaths, tells Job to "curse God and die"; Job joins her suffering but not her blasphemy, staying tethered to God for true comfort. This reserves the right not to sin.
Q. What is the distinction between Paul's words to "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15) and cultural empathy (e.g., "feel what I feel")?
Sharing emotions is good if appropriate, but discern the cause (e.g., don't share sorrow over Roe v. Wade's overturn, which protects the unborn). Dangers include relativism, where feelings override God's view; this hinders discipleship, repentance, and accountability, as one can't challenge sin if fully immersed in another's emotions.
Q. How does untethered empathy lead to cruelty or blindness?
Empathy creates "tunnel vision," spotlighting some suffering while ignoring others (e.g., abortion ad focusing on a rape victim's pain but blinding to the unborn child's humanity). Per C.S. Lewis, untethered pity leads to anger and cruelty toward others' enemies.
Q. How can empathy overtake discussions on race, LGBTQ+, and social justice issues?
In racial harmony talks, empathy is exploited to silence questions (e.g., "just listen" pivots to agendas without input). This creates "victimhood Olympics," where greatest victims set agendas, fueling wokeness. Untethered empathy enables extremes like allowing men in women's spaces or child transitions in compassion's name, abandoning biblical truth.
Q. How does the expansion of terms like "abuse" create manipulative empathy?
Terms like "abuse" inflate from physical/sexual violence to emotional/psychological to gain power, abandoning justice principles (e.g., hearing both sides). Empathy as emotional blackmail twists virtues; Christians chase worldly reputation over God's, proving compassion to progressives instead.
Q. Voddie Baucham has said that kindness is seen as the "11th commandment"; is empathy the "12th?"
Yes, similar to twisted tolerance/kindness/love (e.g., "love is love" justifies unrestricted sex). The devil corrupts good virtues; tether them to God's word, not culture.
Q. Why do pastors avoid teaching on empathy?
Pastors avoid controversy, assuming people know biblical standards, but culture fills gaps (e.g., media, schools). Pastors must preach distinctions: Christ-like sympathy vs. worldly affirmation.
Q. How can parents teach junior high/high school kids compassion without sinful empathy, especially amid peer pressure?
Everyone is discipled—by culture if not by parents/church. Teach kids to please God over people (Galatians 1:10); rejoice in false slanders for faithfulness (Matthew 5:11-12). Model courage; boundaries are good.
Q. How do questions and challenges regarding empathy tie into truth/authority?
Modern empathy is relativistic, untethered from external standards, making feelings "God." Invert hierarchy: God over mind over passions. Psalmist example: Challenge feelings ("Why are you downcast, O my soul?") vs. sinking into them.
Q. How is this concept of “self-talk” different from Brené Brown’s community-focused empathy?
Brown's "empathy > sympathy" abandons judgment/discernment, inviting relativism. "Grab by baptism": Ground identity in God's word, not fleeting feelings.
Q. What advice would you give to self-identified "empaths" (or deep feelers) to serve biblically without going unbiblical?
It's a God-given gift; steward it by leashing emotions to scripture, having accountability friends. It's a blessing in crises but a liability without boundaries (e.g., immigration: Empathy graffiti on border wall demands no barriers, leading to destruction).
Resources:
Pick up a copy of Joe Rigney's book, "The Sin of Empathy": https://www.amazon.com/Sin-Empathy-Compassion-Its-Counterfeits/dp/B0DV3L5KR3/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title
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Connect with the Guest:
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@joe_rigney
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